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Monday, February 1, A.D. 2016
Rent a Jew

Kennen Sie einen Juden? Nein?! Mieten Sie einen!

Last summer, I read a blurb on Taki’s about a new cultural enrichment project in Germany:

Do you have any Jewish friends? If not, have you ever considered renting one?

A new program in Germany enables you to “Rent a Jew” at will. For a designated cost, you will be able to procure your own personal Jew for a prescribed period of time, during which that Jew will reveal that he or she is a human being just like you are. If you ask nicely, they might even allow you to touch their hair.

The program was launched by Munich’s Janusz Korczak Academy, with funding by the Nevatim Program of the Jewish Agency. According to a spokesjew:

There are 100,000 Jews in Germany, but very few people in this country know a Jew personally. We want to change that…to engage young people on the grassroots level…to build interpersonal contacts for young people…and break down prejudices.

What better way is there to build friendship than paying someone to be your friend?

The Rental Jews skew young; all are under 30. There are currently an estimated 20 young Jews available for rental in Germany. Unconfirmed sources report that many people are hesitant to rent Jews for fear that once rented, they’ll immediately raise the rent.

Human chattel slavery has been outlawed throughout most of the civilized world because it is considered barbaric, cruel, and, OK, even evil for one human to own another. But that doesn’t automatically imply it’s unethical to rent human beings so that they can lecture you about their culture while browbeating you about your history.

To prevent another Holocaust, it’s imperative that you rent your own personal Jew today.

It gladdens me immensely that my distant kin in the old country have kept their characteristic sense of humor. Wry devils!

This story really is too precious. It makes me think back to reading articles about the Jews vs. Nazis beer pong game (e.g. Daily Mail). Those reports were opportunities for well-intentioned goyim to rend their garments, don sackcloth, and rub their faces in ash. The comments sections bewailed racism, expressed fear of white supremacists, and generally resembled the fundraising newsletters of the Anti-Defamation League. By contrast, when I discovered the game, I laughed until I cried, and I knew that the game creators had to be of the Tribe. It is beyond obvious! Now, I see that I was correct, if we are to trust Metapedia (which never fails us!). Regardless, the truth has always been clear. The episode made me wonder how so many people could be so oblivious. Haven’t they ever met young, irreverent Jewish college students before? I suppose that these folks, like the perpetually atoning Krauts, require rented Jews’ services.

Posted by Joseph on Monday, February 1, Anno Domini 2016
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