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Friday, May 13, A.D. 2011
Obi-Wan Kenobi Is Dead

For Friday the thirteenth, here is a charming piece from The Galactic Empire Times: “Obi-Wan Kenobi Is Dead, Vader Says.” Some highlights:

In a late-night appearance in the East Room of the Imperial Palace, Lord Vader declared that “justice has been done” as he disclosed that agents of the Imperial Army and stormtroopers of the 501st Legion had finally cornered Kenobi, one of the leaders of the Jedi rebellion, who had eluded the Empire for nearly two decades. Imperial officials said Kenobi resisted and was cut down by Lord Vader’s own lightsaber. He was later dumped out of an airlock. . . .

Obi-Wan Kenobi ’s demise is a defining moment in the stormtrooper-led fight against terrorism, a symbolic stroke affirming the relentlessness of the pursuit of those who turned against the Empire at the end of the Clone Wars. What remains to be seen, however, is whether it galvanizes Kenobi’s followers by turning him into a martyr or serves as a turning of the page in the war against the Rebel Alliance and gives further impetus to Emperor Palpatine to step up Stormtrooper recruitment.

In an earlier statement issued to the press, Kenobi boasted that striking him down could make him “more powerful than you could possibly imagine.” . . .

When the end came for Kenobi, he was found not in the remote uncharted areas of Wild Space and the Unknown Regions, where he has long been presumed to be sheltered, but in a massive compound about an hour’s drive west from the Tatooine capital of Bestine. He had been living under the alias “Ben” Kenobi for some time.  . . .

Kenobi and a group of his followers were eventually captured while fleeing the system, and taken aboard the Death Star, which was in the midst of surveying the recent environmental disaster on Alderaan.

My friend Andrew noted that the comments are worth reading. His favorite is a gem:

Steve C.:

I love how the liberal rag GET keeps referring our Defense Star as the “Death Star”. Take that propaganda back to Courescant, Nerfherder!!!

There is even contraband spam in the comments. It’s wonderful. I love nerds.

Posted by Joseph on Friday, May 13, Anno Domini 2011
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