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Wednesday, February 9, A.D. 2011
Canned Unicorn Meat

Happy birthday to my father! Many more years to him!

I doubt that Dad would appreciate the following, but when I was looking at ThinkGeek’s Tauntaun sleeping bag, I decided to browse the other products. That is when I found Canned Unicorn Meat; it is an “Excellent Source of Sparkles.” As a vegetarian, it might be odd that I am an enthusiastic supporter of unicorn consumption, but the fantastic animals are fattened “on a diet comprised entirely of candy corn,” and I love candy corn! So, really, it would be like eating processed candy corn, right?

More facts about the Radiant Farms product:

Imported from a small independent cannery in County Meath, Ireland

Crunchy horn bits in every bite - an excellent source of Calcium

Tastes like rotisserie chicken but with a hint of marshmallow sweetness

Sparkly meat lends the unmistakable air of class and sophistication to your parties

Not yet approved by the USDA or FDA, but the nuns have eaten it for centuries and they’re healthy as horses

Pretty soon, Michelle Obama will be lecturing the nation’s schools to offer unicorn meat as an integral part of nutritional reform.

I also found in the Seattle Weekly that the National Pork Board had threatened legal action against ThinkGeek because ThinkGeek used the expression, “Unicorn—the new white meat,” in an April Fool’s joke from which they developed the above product (like the Tauntaun sleeping bag). It is deplorable that an obviously parodic use of the catch phrase would be found to violate copyright protection. Hey lawyers, when are you going to stop letting the scumbags among you defame your profession?

Anyway, I suspect that ThinkGeek’s My First Bacon talking plush toy is more of my father’s slice of meat . . .

Posted by Joseph on Wednesday, February 9, Anno Domini 2011
Commerce | CapitalismComments
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