Wednesday, April 8, A.D. 2009

Colonization

Fans of Sid Meier’s games surely know his Civilization type classic from A.D. 1994, Colonization. In the game, you play the leader of Spanish, English, Dutch, or French colonists, and you attempt to build up prosperous colonies in the Americas. Eventually, you declare independence from your mother country and defend your rebellious colonies in a defensive war against your homeland’s armies and navies. The game play is quite open, and you can choose the strategy that you wish to pursue with respect to the indigenous natives, other European powers, trade, economic development, and military decisions.

You can download the game and its manual for free on Abandonia. You may play it on Windows with the virtual DOS program DOSBox. I explain how to use DOSBox in my post on Abandonia. Enjoy.

Meier updated and re-released the game last year as Civilization IV: Colonization.

You can also visit a fan site with much information about the game—the aptly named Colonization Fans.

For a laugh, you may wish to read gamer Robert Foreman’s “postcolonial literary theory deconstruction” of Colonization on Gameology. Foreman’s abstract gives you a foretaste:

Ultimately, it seems that Sid Meier’s creation is an ideal simulation of colonization, a game that by placing its player in the seat of a colonist leads him to think explicitly like a conqueror, with all of the greed and bloodthirstiness this entails.

Do not forget to read the posted comments. All in all, the exercise demonstrates the self-destructive power of Leftism, but the absurd po-mo idiocy offers some potential for Schadenfreude humor. It is too bad that such foolishness is allowed to fester in the comforts of a civilization to which it offers no support—only intellectual sabotage. Leftism is the ultimate spiritual parasite.

Posted by Joseph on Wednesday, April 8, Anno Domini 2009
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Friday, March 20, A.D. 2009

Pelosi’s Cats

I was not sure where to post this, but I suppose my “Fun” domain must do.

Here is a video that Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi posted on YouTube:

Now, I think that the feline segment is fine, but what on earth happens at the end? I know that Pelosi is from San Fran, but it just doesn’t make any sense. I cannot understand her politics, her humor, or her aesthetic sense . . .

Posted by Joseph on Friday, March 20, Anno Domini 2009
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Tuesday, March 17, A.D. 2009

Muppets’ Danny Boy

Happy Saint Patrick’s Day to all our Gregorian calendar friends, especially those quarrellous Irish folk!

Beannachtaí na Féile Pádraig!

To celebrate the Emerald Isle’s patronal feast, I give you the ineffably loveable Muppets:

I love Jim Henson’s creations; what a chap . . . Anyway, enjoy the feast, and remember the blessed island in your prayers.

Posted by Joseph on Tuesday, March 17, Anno Domini 2009
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Saturday, February 28, A.D. 2009

French & Saunders

You may know Dawn French from The Vicar of Dibley, and you may recognize Jennifer Saunders from Absolutely Fabulous. Did you know, however, that YouTube has dozens of skits from this comediennes team? As with any sketch comedy show, French & Saunders hits and misses, but you might wish to watch some of their skits online for grins and an occasional laugh. The production quality is remarkable for a sketch comedy show.

Here, you can watch French & Saunders’ parody of The Lord of the Rings movies, The French and The Saunders:

Some blushes for Peter Jackson, with sincere apologies to J.R.R. Tolkien . . .

Posted by Joseph on Saturday, February 28, Anno Domini 2009
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Thursday, February 5, A.D. 2009

When I Grow Up

I received the following funny story in an e-mail.

When asked to draw a picture of what they wanted to be when they grew up, second-grader “Sarah” turned in the lovely drawing shown below. Needless to say, the teacher was a bit surprised—Mrs. Smith had always seemed like such a conservative woman. So she sent a note home to the girl’s mother asking for clarification as to the picture’s meaning.

The mother’s response:

Dear Mrs. Jones,

I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer. I work at Home Depot and I told Sarah how hectic it was last week before the blizzard hit. I told her we sold out every single shovel we had. Then I found one more in the back room, and several people were fighting over who would get it.  Sarah’s picture does NOT show me dancing around a pole. It’s supposed to depict me selling the last snow shovel we had at Home Depot. From now on I will remember to check her homework more thoroughly before she turns it in.

Sincerely,
Mrs. Smith

Well, what if your mom is a pole dancer? Strippers have kids, too . . .

Posted by Joseph on Thursday, February 5, Anno Domini 2009
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Monday, January 26, A.D. 2009

Wal-Mart Cake

I received the following photograph as an e-mail forward. I tried to find the origin of the story with Snopes and Google, but I was unsuccessful in trying to discover if it was a hoax. It is widely featured on the web. I found the displayed photograph on Show-Ket’s Flickr account (Show-ket sounds like an Egyptian deity, no?):

Various blog entries that comment upon the cake feature widely divergent “ebonic” caricatures—some more forthright, others rather self-censored. I think that the photograph speaks for itself. I am, nevertheless, curious as to the original posting of this picture. What was the real story? Perhaps, if we pieced together the testimony traditions throughout the blogosphere, we could reconstruct the Q source of the Wal-Mart confectionary. Was the story the result of a white supremacist fringe group angry at the oppression of multicultural politically correct censorship? Did the photograph originate in one file-sharing community but was taken up by another community who reinterpreted its significance to suit the needs of their own group narrative? Was the cake even made at Wal-Mart, or is its designation so a projected of negative value by upperclass snobs? Just think . . . we might be able to secure academic grants to pursue such research. We could even establish our own UnderNeat Seminar . . .

Posted by Joseph on Monday, January 26, Anno Domini 2009
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Friday, January 16, A.D. 2009

Give Geese a Chance

Yesterday, I wrote about flight 1549’s awesome pilot, Chesley B. Sullenberger, III. Thanks to his wits, the able crew, and the magnificent work of New York’s and New Jersey’s emergency teams, everyone survived—what we normally call a happy ending but what the ancients called a comedy.

In the comic spirit, I offer you Andy Levy’s “If I Wrote for the Huffington Post—Give Geese a Chance.”

In the wake of the events of 1-15, in which a wedge of Geese brought down a US Airways aircraft, here’s what you won’t be hearing about from the so-called “Mainstream Media”: We brought this on ourselves.

After an event such as this one, it’s important to look at the root causes: Why did the Geese attack us? Well, the truth is, for years we have been oppressing the Geese, using them for the fuel they provide for our bodies.

Boneless Goose Breast, Brandied Roast Goose, Roast Goose with Cumberland Sauce and Apricot Stuffing. And of course, the Christmas Goose. In the name of religion, we have been engaged in what can only be called a Crusade against the Geese. Is it any wonder that a few brave suicide Geese would seek revenge?

Under the neocon/neofascist Cheney-Bush administration, Goose consumption is up 1541%. Geese have been systematically deprived of their rights at a level never seen before. (Look around your workplace: do you see any Geese? Wouldn’t you be nervous if you did?) Reports of shameful anti-Goose activity are at an all-time high, mainly in the South and Midwest, of course.

The fact is, WE (and, of course, Israel) are responsible for the rise of militant Gooslam.  Given our actions, is it any wonder that gaggles of Goslings would reject the teachings of moderate Goose leaders, when those leaders are perceived as being in the pocket of the West? Given our actions, is it any wonder that these young Gooslamists would flock to more assertive leaders, leaders whose commitment to their cause cannot be questioned? Given our actions, the rise of a “Goosama” was inevitable. We have only ourselves to blame. (Does anyone doubt that somewhere there’s a photo of Donald Rumsfeld shaking hands with a Goose?)

In the moments right after 1-15, many have been quick to praise the actions of the US Airways pilot. But the TRUTH is that our pilots have been instruments of the BUSHITLER illegal war against the Geese. I know the Repuglicans will attack me for saying this, but speaking TRUTH TO POWER of course makes me a true PATRIOT. And very brave.

Right now America’s relationship with other species couldn’t be worse. Like most Americans, often when I’m hiking I find myself apologizing to woodland creatures for the actions of our illegitimate government. And like the rest of the world, I’m hopeful that once President Obama takes office, things will change, and that we will end our imperialistic attempts at hegemony over the rest of the planet. After all, if he can sit down with Iran and Hezbollah, he can sit down with the Geese.

What a piece! I like especially, “Look around your workplace: do you see any Geese? Wouldn’t you be nervous if you did?” and the apology to woodland creatures.

Ah, the silly, silly Left. It is no wonder that Michelle Malkin calls them moonbats.

Posted by Joseph on Friday, January 16, Anno Domini 2009
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Saturday, December 27, A.D. 2008

Godly Grammar

Were there ever a grammatical world with an equivalent history to ours of Christian German philosophy, I suppose that a Georg Periphrastic Friedrich Run-on would have theorized about the Ablative Absolute.

Yes, I am indeed that corny . . .

Posted by Joseph on Saturday, December 27, Anno Domini 2008
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Saturday, December 13, A.D. 2008

About Last Night

I have praised South Park’s always irreverent, sometimes tasteless, but often insightful humor before. I may not be a “South Park Conservative,” but I am a conservative who appreciates South Park.

In the spirit of spoofing pop culture, ridiculing American politics, and offering a refreshing break from the stench of the campaign, South Park’s election episode, “About Last Night,” features an Ocean’s Eleven / Mission Impossible style team of the Obamas, McCain, Palin, and other stock characters who attempt to steal the Hope Diamond from the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History. The entire campaign by McCain and Obama was a part of the heist’s strategy so that one of them would have access to a secret tunnel for the president that travels below the museum. You can watch the episode on South Park Studios (quite rated R). My favorite part occurs when Sarah Palin qua Trinity leaves her concession speech, though the portrayals of South Park’s McCain and Obama supporters are hilarious.

Posted by Joseph on Saturday, December 13, Anno Domini 2008
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Saturday, November 22, A.D. 2008

Carpool

Saturday Night Live has always been an inconsistent show. Every year, people complain that it used to be so funny back when XYZ were on the cast. Yet, back when XYZ were on the cast, folks were saying the same thing about UVW, and so on. I remember reading someone’s explanation for this phenomenon—perhaps it was Jonah Goldberg—but whoever it was wrote that skit shows like S.N.L. are usually not very funny, though some of each episode’s skits may make you grin. However, every now and then, one of the skits will be golden, and it is those hilarious few that are memorable. Hence, whenever we consider a particular era in S.N.L. history, we consider the great skits that come readily to our minds, judge them to be representative of the whole era, and thus conclude that the era was better than our current era. Really, the analysis is simply Descartes and Hume applied to our estimation of comedy television.

Of the current cast, I think that Kristen Wiig is brilliant. She deserves to be in N.B.C.‘s comedienne hall of fame. One of my favorite skits of hers is the following “Carpool” skit with Alec Baldwin, a political loon but nonetheless a chap with great comic talent.

Of the various types of humor, I like the insightful and mocking the most (just ahead of the absurd). Our hypersensitive, unforgiving, and socially awkward age in which people seek gratification from being offended deserves such mockery. Speaking of which, Stuff White People Like has a delightful entry on “Being Offended”—funny and oh so horribly true.

Posted by Joseph on Saturday, November 22, Anno Domini 2008
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