Tá Críost éirithe!
Arimathea ends Latin week with an old joke that features a loveably asinine Irish priest:
Father O’Malley, an Irish Catholic priest, was transferred to a Texas parish.
Father O’Malley rose from his bed one lovely morning. It was a fine spring day. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the sweet morning air.
It was then that the good man noticed a jackass—lying dead—in the middle of the rectory’s front lawn.
He promptly called the local police station. The conversation went like this:
‘‘Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?’‘
‘‘And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O’Malley at Saint Ann’s Catholic Church. There’s a jackass lying dead on me front lawn.”
Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, ‘‘Well, now, Father O’Malley, it has always been my impression that you people took care of the last rites.’‘
There was dead silence on the line for but a moment.
Father O’Malley then replied, “Aye, ‘tis certainly true, my dear Sergeant Jones, but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin.”
Cristo è risorto!
Lutheran Satire made an amusing “game show” after Pope Benedict XVI announced his retirement in February. It offers a fine commentary on the armies of “devout Catholics” whom the media always consult when covering matters Roman.
If only she had claimed infallible authority because, well, you know, like, she totally knows everything about the faith because she, like, you know, went to Catholic schools for thirteen years.
Kristus er opstanden!
No, not lego papam, but Lego pope!
Behold Pope Francis, the Danish version: “We Have a Pope! :: Lego Edition” at Shower of Roses.
Cristo ha resucitado!
Latin week continues on Arimathea with some posts concerning the papal election. A few days before Pope Francis was elected, someone tweeted (twit?):
If a Jesuit was elected pope, we would finally have one loyal to the pope.
Shouldn’t it have been, “If a Jesuit were elected pope . . .”? Anyway, it was funny and prescient—though the young guys, S.J., seem to be alright. Nonetheless, allow me to indulge in some Jesuit schoolboy humor:
Si tu cum Jesuitis,
Non cum Jesu itis.
For more Jesuit jokes, go to Catholic Resources. I learnt most of them as a young man.
Hristos a înviat!
A few months ago, Steve Sailer introduced MicroAgressions to the rightosphere: “Best of MicroAggressions.com.” It is a site that posts discontent individuals’ experiences with “microaggressions.” Microaggressions are the minor annoyances that you regularly encounter in a world populated by human beings whose existential focus is not you and whose ideas do not perfectly match your own. For normal people, this is what we call life. For the morally greedy, self-righteous Left, which craves offense like a junkie lusts after crack, microaggressions are the best for which one can hope in a world already conquered by one’s crazy, pussified ideology.
I sent the site’s link to my friend Andrew, who wished to add his own microaggression after his typical manner: “I try to be tolerant of others and to be mature about letting the little things slide. But then I saw a web site today that suggested I wasn’t capable of this. It encouraged me to obsess immaturely on every tiny grievance and to condemn the attitudes and beliefs of others intolerantly. Do they really think I’m that dysfunctional?”
Last week, Pittsburgher Suzy Weiss had a satirical open letter in the Wall Street Journal, “To (All) the Colleges That Rejected Me.” It is a fun read. It has also upset many fiendish people, and that is reason enough for me to praise the piece.
I have read several articles critical of Miss Weiss that share the common opinion journalism fault of reacting in ignorance to a story for the sake of making a point. Instead of actually absorbing information that is inconvenient to their argument, writers tend to ignore relevant facts and rather use the story as an opportunity to sermonize on a particular topic. For instance, dozens of articles dismiss Weiss as an entitled brat who blames others for her lack of accomplishment, but Weiss is in fact pretty impressive for a high school senior. They take her snarky self-deprecation of “underachieving selfish teenager” as their launching pad, though they end up criticizing a straw girl instead of addressing her legitimate criticism of the contemporary college admissions process—criticism mixed with delightful cynicism. In fairness to Weiss’ detractors, one must read other sources or watch interviews such as her appearance on the Today show to get the fuller picture, though writers—especially those in “real papers”—should take a little extra time to research the object of their potential scorn.
Anyway, cheers to Miss Weiss for giving us a laugh at the expense of the elite’s phony piety!
Last month, The Onion published a typically alliumesque story about Obama: “Look, I’m Just Going to Say It: I Collect Antique Nazi Memorabilia.”
Now, let me be clear about this: I myself am not a Nazi. This obviously should go without saying. Furthermore, I have no affiliation whatsoever with the National Socialist movement in any way other than being a collector of Nazi art and iconography. Needless to say, I am repulsed by Nazism’s abhorrent beliefs. The genocide that robbed six million Jews and millions of Poles, Roma, and gay people of their lives stands alone as a nightmare unique in mankind’s history, but aesthetically and culturally, yes, I do find it fascinating, and collecting Nazi memorabilia is a hobby that I enjoy in my spare time.
I would also like to emphasize that this hobby, while not necessarily “common” on a large scale, does not make me weird or somehow deviant. Also, it’s more common than you might think. Check it out online. Besides, collecting Third Reich paraphernalia is merely a diversion I indulge in privately, or in the company of numerous fellow Nazi memorabilia collectors whose interest in this area is purely historical.
People in this country are free to collect whatever they want to collect. It’s one of the things that makes America great, if you want to think about it that way.
Also, a lot of presidents had quirky hobbies, you now. Teddy Roosevelt collected taxidermy. FDR collected stamps. I collect Nazi badges, insignia, and crockery. At the end of the day, whether it’s a stamp or a little vintage swastika pin, we’re just talking about little trinkets here. It’s not some huge deal. It’s not like I’m running a Nazi flag up the pole in front of the White House or something. Absolutely not. I keep my Nazi flag folded and stored in an antique pine case in my private residence.
There are probably a few questions people have right away, the first one being, “Do you own or have you ever worn a Nazi uniform?” The answer is yes, I own several, including a windbreaker and cap from the Panzer Totenkopf division. However, I’d like to clarify that I almost never wear my Nazi regalia. In the rare instance that I do, it’s in my private living quarters and is not intended for anyone other than myself or the Third Reich memorabilia enthusiasts I occasionally invite to the White House for trunk shows and conventions.
All of whom, I should add, are really nice, normal Americans with no Nazi-leaning sympathies.
Second thing some of you may be wondering: Do I own a copy of Mein Kampf? Yes, I do. A first edition, in fact. Have I read it? Yes, I have. Now, I strongly disagree with it, but it’s an important historical document nonetheless, and I think people should be familiar with it on, you know, a historical level. Many scholars and academics have read Mein Kampf numerous times over and it’s considered totally normal when they do so, just to put things in perspective.
And look, I understand if this bothers people. Many folks I know don’t understand my hobby. Michelle, for example, does not. And that’s fine! I don’t flaunt it in her face or anyone else’s face. That’s why I haven’t mentioned it until now. However, I also don’t want to seem as though I’m hiding it, because it’s not something to hide or be ashamed of. If people checked it out, they might actually find it kind of cool. Not “cool,” exactly, but, you know, interesting. . . .
Read the whole article.
Maslenitsa week continues with a second clip from Candid Camera—this time with the incomparable Buster Keaton from A.D. 1962:
Voyeurism seems so much less objectionable in early “reality television.”
To celebrate Maslenitsa (or “Shrovetide” for the Brits), I shall mostly indulge in levity this week. I found an old clip of a young Woody Allen on the Candid Camera show in A.D. 1961 that you might enjoy:
The secretary is not a looker by far, but she has spunk and personality—in abundance.
This clip reminds me of Ambrose Bierce’s definition: “HEBREW, n. A male Jew, as distinguished from the Shebrew, an altogether superior creation.”
My father has always been a fan of Allen’s work, though I am more ambivalent. He has undeniable talent, but he is somewhat of a pervert—even to someone with a strong and developed anti-puritanical streak like me.
I found some humorous videos of the late Patrice O’Neal on The Occidental Traditionalist last week. Here is clean sample:
That charming bit is very mild for O’Neal; he was usually ruthless in his routine. O’Neal may have been wrong at times, but he was honest. As he learnt, an honest man does not endear himself to others, especially in an age where lies are so respected and pervasive.