Wednesday, November 16, A.D. 2011

YiaTube

Athenos is not my favorite brand of packaged hummus, but Kraft’s Greek label commercials are sweet like Melissos’ honey. Enjoy what Yiayia says.

Yiayia on stay at home fathers:

Yiayia on fashion:

Yiayia on cohabitation:

Evidently, the ad campaign began in late winter earlier this year, but I only recently discovered the videos. I want more Yiayia commentary; grandmothers know better.

Posted by Joseph on Wednesday, November 16, A.D. 2011
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Wednesday, September 28, A.D. 2011

Holy Smoke

Leave it to Americans to find a way to combine tastlessness and consumerism in even the most hallowed aspects of life . . . and death. I present Holy Smoke, a company that turns cremated remains into ammunition so that one can go out in a bang. From the company’s site:

Planning a loved ones final arrangements can be a challenging responsibility, one you want to do with care and consideration. Allow Holy Smoke to help you create a tribute to your outdoorsperson like no other.

We provide compassionate personal service, exceptional quality, and a truly unique memorial. Our unparalleled service and overall value are why our loyal customers won’t go anywhere else. We look forward to serving you!

The name you can trust! . . .

Now you can have the peace of mind that you can continue to protect your home and family even after you are gone.

The company is based in Alabama. I shall refrain from additional comment.

Posted by Joseph on Wednesday, September 28, A.D. 2011
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Tuesday, July 19, A.D. 2011

The Mall

I am not a devotee of Malcolm Gladwell, but I did find his article on the mall in The New Yorker quite interesting: “The Terrazzo Jungle.” Gladwell recounts the vision of the mall’s creator, Victor Gruen, as well as his disappointment in what became of his idea. Gruen wanted the mall to be a commercial centerpiece to an extensive, planned development that would create an orderly and beautiful community in suburbia. Such did not occur, though attempts at integrated commercial and residential space continue as the new urbanism refuses to submit before the American cult of the ugly and haphazard. Gladwell also explains how tax policy resulted in ghastly commercial developments largely disconnected from a community’s shopping needs, which thereby facilitated the American wasteland of suburban sprawl. Also of interest is mall designer Alfred Taubman’s commentary on the mall’s commercial strategies. The article is delightful pop anthropological candy. Enjoy.

Posted by Joseph on Tuesday, July 19, A.D. 2011
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Wednesday, July 13, A.D. 2011

The Ty Ty Zone

I maintain an extensive garden list of the species that I have in my yard. It is obviously incomplete, but I work on it when I have free time. I often use Google’s image search to help identify plants, and the pictures often take me to helpful and interesting sites. The quest for cultivars has also introduced me to some weird horticultural zones. This week, I came across one of the oddest—Ty Ty Nursery in Georgia. It is so outlandish that I doubted that it was a real store. However, it seems that the Ty Ty folks really do sell plants, though the web is full of complaints from disappointed customers. I want to ask these disgruntled buyers what possessed them to order plants from a nursery that advertises its stock in such a perverse manner. Ty Ty’s site has the aesthetic of sleazy television commercials that run in the middle of the night. You have to visit the site to grasp just how bizarre it is. Do not forget the videos.

Posted by Joseph on Wednesday, July 13, A.D. 2011
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Wednesday, February 9, A.D. 2011

Canned Unicorn Meat

Happy birthday to my father! Many more years to him!

I doubt that Dad would appreciate the following, but when I was looking at ThinkGeek’s Tauntaun sleeping bag, I decided to browse the other products. That is when I found Canned Unicorn Meat; it is an “Excellent Source of Sparkles.” As a vegetarian, it might be odd that I am an enthusiastic supporter of unicorn consumption, but the fantastic animals are fattened “on a diet comprised entirely of candy corn,” and I love candy corn! So, really, it would be like eating processed candy corn, right?

More facts about the Radiant Farms product:

Imported from a small independent cannery in County Meath, Ireland

Crunchy horn bits in every bite - an excellent source of Calcium

Tastes like rotisserie chicken but with a hint of marshmallow sweetness

Sparkly meat lends the unmistakable air of class and sophistication to your parties

Not yet approved by the USDA or FDA, but the nuns have eaten it for centuries and they’re healthy as horses

Pretty soon, Michelle Obama will be lecturing the nation’s schools to offer unicorn meat as an integral part of nutritional reform.

I also found in the Seattle Weekly that the National Pork Board had threatened legal action against ThinkGeek because ThinkGeek used the expression, “Unicorn—the new white meat,” in an April Fool’s joke from which they developed the above product (like the Tauntaun sleeping bag). It is deplorable that an obviously parodic use of the catch phrase would be found to violate copyright protection. Hey lawyers, when are you going to stop letting the scumbags among you defame your profession?

Anyway, I suspect that ThinkGeek’s My First Bacon talking plush toy is more of my father’s slice of meat . . .

Posted by Joseph on Wednesday, February 9, A.D. 2011
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Monday, February 7, A.D. 2011

Big Game Commercials

Two years ago, I offered my thoughts on the Super Bowl advertisements of A.D. 2009, which included the magnificently crafted “Heist.”

I noted that Coca-Cola usually makes the best commercial of the Super Bowl. I think that Coke offers the best ad this year, as well. Here is “Border.”

While I find most of the game’s commercials base and stupid, Coke charms and embetters the audience. Nicely done. Two years ago, the company offered its gift to geeks with “Avatar.” This year, Coke bestows “Seige” upon the world’s nerds. Not bad.

The other commercial that I really like is a bit cheesy, but I’m a sucker for such things. Here is Bridgestone’s “Carma”:

Of course, I appreciate Volkswagen’s “The Force.” What American man from my generation would not like this ad? It is our destiny.

As a child, I played Luke, though. Still, Vader gets a fun song.

Motorola’s “Xoom” entertains with its ironic mockery of Apple. Those conforming non-conformists . . . Moreover, the girl has a pretty face and lovely eyes.

It’s the Super Bowl; one must acknowledge some silly ads. CarMax’s “Kid in a Candy Store” delights with visual gags (and hippies are funny), Snickers’ “Logging” features Richard Lewis and Roseanne Barr after a long absence with their trademark whines (and Jews are funny), and Doritos’ “Pug Attack” satisfies my low brow appetite perfectly without being overly gross or crass (and pugs are funny . . . and the woman looks a lot like Kristen Wiig—she’s funny, too).

Lastly, I have to give credit to Chrysler and Marshall Mathers (a.k.a. Eminem) for the “Imported from Detroit” commercial. I love Michiganders, and I appreciate their undying civic pride. Detroit is an American tragedy, but I don’t mind the fantasy of romanticizing its state.

Posted by Joseph on Monday, February 7, A.D. 2011
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Saturday, October 30, A.D. 2010

Zombies at Sears

Sears has an amusing Zombie page for Halloween: Sears: afterlife. well spent. If you do not understand Zombian, then make sure to click the translation button, “Switch to English.” The page has a lot going for it: videos, a gift guide to help you shop for your favorite ghouls, and an zombie avatar/dress up doll application.

My favorite line: “tone while you lumber” in one of the top frames.

This is surprisingly fun and nontraditional advertising for wholesome, old fashioned Sears. Does this mean that the spirit of Googlization marches on like the living dead? Hopefully so.

Posted by Joseph on Saturday, October 30, A.D. 2010
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Saturday, October 9, A.D. 2010

A Neoclassical Hole in Neoclassical Free Trade

Ian Fletcher has an interesting short essay on the problems of free trade: “A Neoclassical Hole in Neoclassical Free Trade.” I think that it makes sense, but I am not an economist.

I am disposed to defer to the legions of economists who push free trade like a deeply held religious doctrine. When the vast majority of a field’s experts concur about a topic within their field, it makes sense to trust them. Ocassionally, however, even outsiders can see how the shared assumptions of the experts might lead them to faulty conclusions.

I suspect that such might be the case with free trade. If people were equally rational and capable, then free trade might make for a good economic policy. If any given human population did not have people that could only excel in menial work, then free trade might make for a good economic policy. If all the states of the world had the same environmental and labor protections, then free trade might make for a good economic policy. If a state did not have to worry about maintaining an adequate industrial sector due to matters of national security, then free trade might make for a good economic policy. If a country’s citizenry would invest capital in another country’s economy wherein it is cheaper and more efficient to produce certain goods rather than spend such capital on worthless junk, then free trade might make for a good economic policy. As it stands, though, these conditionals have not been satisfied. The United States has become a debtor nation, by both public and private profligacy, and the free trade policies that allowed the masses to purchase cheap products from China over the past twenty years have not strengthened the American nation or increased its wealth. These cheaply bought goods are not possessions that help us to produce more. They are not useful commodities. Rather, they are silly, pointless luxuries of the consumers of all classes, and, consequently, there has been a steady wealth transfer from America to China. American free trade has been great for China, not for us. The investor class in America that has benefited from the arrangement has weakened the nation for its petty interests.

Posted by Joseph on Saturday, October 9, A.D. 2010
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Thursday, August 5, A.D. 2010

The Pizza Turnaround

I still have not tried Domino’s new pizza, but I like the short company documentary about the project: “The Pizza Turnaround.” You may watch it below:

It is easy to forget that there are many real people behind every product sold, every ware peddled. Mass production obfuscates the human side of industry. Of course, the public relations team at Domino’s wants to humanize the company to the veiwers of the video for business purposes, but it is nonetheless true that workers—even the human cogs of the modern industrial machine—tend to see their products as something intimately connected with themselves. My uncle who worked at General Motors on the line felt that he was a part of the automobiles of G.M. His job was not simply a wage to him; it was an identity. Perhaps, many factory workers do not take pride in their work and only put in their time to earn a wage, but the view that wage earning is the height of noble work available in mass production is an upper class conceit. Such an opinion does not come from the workers, themselves. Men crave meaning, and the lower classes seek relevance in their action as much as upper class, educated men.

This spring, I had a conversation with a wealthy young man who thought that the lives of the masses were worthless and that it was the purpose of the state to bring dignity to the proletariat through educational and artistic programs. Do all socialists believe such—that life is not worth living unless one attends an Ivy League university and has season tickets to the symphony? Socrates may have been correct to state that the unexamined life is not worth living—for himself and for the philosophically oriented—but I find it ridiculous to reduce the lives of all men lesser than Socrates to dust. Even the peasant in the fields may find joy and fulfillment in life. There is no shortage of opportunities to experience the splendor of God, even in the meanest of circumstances. Moral evil and destitution that endangers survival take their toll on the soul of man, but the dearth of riches robs no one of contentment. A beautiful soul may even live a good life making pizza.

Posted by Joseph on Thursday, August 5, A.D. 2010
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Thursday, August 6, A.D. 2009

Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream

When my father and I were in Vermont last week, we went on the Ben & Jerry’s factory tour in Waterbury. I knew that wandering through Peacenik Vermont would be a culture shock, but I insisted in indulging in some anthropological field work.

The factory was full of colorful eye candy, the tour was efficiently conducted and informative, and we were able to sample one of the ice cream flavors being processed that day (Oatmeal Cookie Chunk, which was quite tasty). It was definitely worth the stop.

The flavors are great. Yet, something annoys me about Ben & Jerry’s “progressive” company.

Now, I do not have a problem with its company mission. Indeed, I think that its three part mission statement is an admirable example for corporate America. The three parts are the social mission (being a responsible corporate member of the community), the product mission (developing and maintaining excellent products), and the economic mission (being a sustainable, profitable company for shareholders that offers opportunities for workers). I think that the last two are necessary considerations for any business, whereas many capitalists only concern themselves with the last one and subsume other considerations as merely instrumental ways to further profitability. In contrast to them, I think that the production of goods ought to aim at excellence in the product even without consideration of profit, while, of course, realizing that at a certain point one’s striving for a better product could sacrifice necessary profitability. My point is that businesses should consider both as natural ends for their activity.

I am not so sure that I agree with the “social mission,” thinking that “social justice” is an individual matter rather than business’s business. A company improves its community by employing people with honest work and fair pay. It ought to be responsible with the natural and cultural resources that its uses. Beyond that, I think that Ben & Jerry’s social activism would be better carried out by Ben and Jerry as individuals or through their charitable foundation. “Corporate charity” does cause confusion about the proper role of businesses and about the true nature of charity, in my opinion. However, it’s their company, and it certainly isn’t doing bad things.

So, what is so objectionable about these left-wing Vermonters? They shamelessly display their obnoxious, Leftist preachiness. At the factory and in every one of their ice cream parlors, one encounters in every direction the self-righteous, smug back-patting that I find so distasteful among Leftists. Signs, brochures, product design, and wall paintings all invite the snarky observer to scream out, “Good for you!” à la South Park.

What is with these latter day righteous crusaders? From folks who seem quite sensitive to the “holier than thou” attitudes of arrogant Christians, one would expect more discretion and humility.

I suspect that Ben, Jerry, and their pals would defend their self-glorification as an “awareness” campaign: “See, we do our part, and you can do your part, too.” I see the point, but I don’t believe it. Rather, I think that we see in them the secularized traits of their “divinely elected” ancestors’ spiritual prelest. For Yankee Leftists, their green communities are the City on a Hill, and their social justice activism are signs of their election. Not to preach the gospel of global warming, recycling, clean energy, and anti-racism would be to hide one’s light under a bushel. Instead, let your light shine before men—and remember to contribute to the D.N.C.

Posted by Joseph on Thursday, August 6, A.D. 2009
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